The Jonsey Balonsey Show

B44 and After

2012-02-13T16:35:00.000-08:00

I was super excited to break bread with my pre-op transgender friends, Fantastica and Prosthetica. We wanted to celebrate the success of my girlfriend’s recent cosmetic surgeries (adam’s apple shaving, and elbows and knees bleaching), so we decided to go to B44, located at Belden Place, that pseudo-European-trying-hard-to-be-more-than-SF-truly-is alley. The plates we ordered from this Catalan-inspired restaurant were brilliant. Although some of the dishes were more fully realized than others, we still enjoyed our experience at B44.

We ordered a bevy of appetizers. The Sauteed Mussels, made with sofrito, pancetta, green peas, and tarragon was the stand out winner (see mouth-watering picture below) Growl, oops. Sorry, that was my tummy having a gastronomic memory.

The sizzling skillet of prawns and garlique was phenomenal and if I could marry it I would have, but I think Republicans will have a lot to say about a marriage between a space alien avatar and a plate of sizzling gambas (see photo below). Anywho, Prop 8 is dead, so the last laugh is still ours, so take that you repressive Republicans!

The Plate Of Cured Meats which include slices of jamon serrano, chorizo, and fuet was, in a word, meh. I love jamon Serrano, but their version of it was lackluster at best. The chorizo could have just been those mini-sausages by Hillshire farms for all I cared. Anywho, I suppose what I’m saying is you may skip the plate of cold meats. It kinda made me snore, actually. Yawn.

We also had stuffed squid in black ink sauce which was divine. A little scary looking to the uninitiated, but it was still worth the try. What we really wanted was to try the blood sausages (morcilla), but they did not have it that night. Booo! How do they think they'll entice continued patronage from vampires if they don't consistently serve blood sausages?

We shared an entrée of grilled pork chop with a sweet honey sauce. Yummilish! Nuff said.

Below are photos of the seafood paella and the fideua negra, both outstanding plates. However if I'm being nitpicky, I'd say the rice and the noodles were ever so slightly undercooked.

After a very satisfying dinner, we decided to take our culinary journey elsewhere. Where else can we go for delicious dessert? I’m craving purple yam ice cream…UBE! Mitchell’s here we come! Please pronounce it as "Oooh Beh"....Never say "Yooob". The E is never silent. Saying "yoob" would just prove that you're nothing but a total newb...Hey, I made a rhyme. I think I'll make a poem:

I love you, Yoob;

I'll eat you in a cup or in a cone.

But when I drip you all over my fingers and clothes,

I feel like a total boob.

For more information about B44, check out their website. You can also look through Mitchell's ice cream's site and peruse through all their fab flavours by clicking here. I suggest ube, halohalo, avocado, macapuno; all of them can be found under the sub-heading of Tropical Flavors. Cheers!

Citizen's Band

2012-01-11T12:25:00.000-08:00

Aside from the quality of the restaurant's iced tea, nothing sets the tone of the meal like the very first bites of their appetizers. However, before you put that food in your mouth, your eyes need to be titillated and the people at Citizen's Band, on the corner of Folsom and 8th really came up with a doozy. Above, you see a photo of their ...well, can you guess what it is? Hmmm, give up? No, it's not sliced sea cucumbers on top of a tres leches cake. It actually is a mac and cheese appetizer topped with three onion rings. Tres interesante, right? Yes, it looks odd, but oddly enough it's soooo goood! The melted cheese on the crispy onion rings ties in well with the macaroni and cheese that's quite melty and, of yes, cheesy. The sweetness of the onions was a great counter point to all that creamy goodness.

Above, you'll see another awesome appetizer which is inspired by a Quebecois dish called poutine. French fries with gravy, and chunks of meat - you can't go wrong!

The entree that they're famous for is their fried chicken. The well-deserved buzz is merited because...well, just look at it!
Note, if you visit their website, you'll see a sample menu, but since they're menu changes everytime, don't fall in love too soon. I was browsing through their website and I thought I was going to order the bacon and egg appetizer, but...Alas, they don't have it anymore. Darn you, false advertiser!

Snack Attack!

2011-12-14T15:59:00.000-08:00

Grumble...grumble...After seeing the brief video above, my tummy hungreee! Grumbledy-grum-grum.

Hey, Belinda Belly. I hear you grumbling down there. What's that? You're feeling peckish. Well, I know just the place for a bit of gastronomic enjoyment. Nijiya Market, here we come!

Check out the wide selection of convenient, pre-packaged goodness. I love Japanese cuisine and at Nijiya market, which is located at the nucleus of Japantown (Post and Webster), one can discover culinary cuteness rolled into delicious delectability. It's quite a sight to behold, believe me this pic does not do it justice, you have to run like a reindeer to Japantown and check it out. Go, Bambi, go!

When you ordered that tempura/teriyaki combo plate at your favorite Japanese restaurant, did you ever wonder what dressing your they poured on top of that side salad of cabbage? Well, wonder no more! They have it at Nijiya market. If you're lucky, it will even be on sale. I recommend the miso based one; it's creamy and sweet!

Check out the raw tuna with spicy mayo sauce, and to the right the fish roe looks so ready to explode in your mouth! Love it when they pop...pop...poppitypop...

Above are different kinds of Furikake bottles. They're basically enhancers of steamed rice; they contain shredded seaweed, sesame seed, shaved bonito, etc. It all depends on your taste. Domo Arigato, Nijiya Market for being Belinda Belly's savior when she's hungry.

Thai Me Up

2011-10-21T13:08:00.000-07:00

Now that I've exposed you to the funny side of Thai pop culture, let me expose you to the culinary side.

"Sawatdee Ka!"

This is how you should greet your thai waitress, if it's a male Thai waiter the greeting should be, "Sawatdee Krap!". I always apply this little piece of linguistic knowledge whenever I try out a new Thai restaurant. If they respond with a big smile and say, "Sawatdee Krap", then I know that they're authentic (or at least their servers are). Bonus points to them for actually recognizing me as a male. However, if they look at me with a vapid stare and mutter, "Um,Whatdawho, ma'am?", then I know they're fakers and I would turn, and walk away while saying, "Pad-See You Later!"

You won't have authenticity issues at Basil Canteen. Attention Vegetarians: Above, you see a picture of their fried chive cake kanom guay chai; Delightfully delicious, and this is just the start.

Basil Canteen is the sister to Thai Basil restaurant. They are both located on Howard Street, this posting is for Basil Canteen which is on the corner of 11th. There's a gazillion and one Thai restaurants in the city and if you don't watch your step, your bound to stumble into a mediocre one. Well, you won't have to fear anything when you walk into this place. They're the proverbial cat's pyjamas! Tangent Alert: I never understood that old time expression. Let's start a new one. How about saying, "They're the koala's onesies!"

My fave dish, seen above, is the kao soi neur. This dish is brilliant! It's egg noodles in a coconut curry sauce which has a mild citrus infusion. This bowl of yummy includes slices of flank steak and it's crowned with crispy noodles. The different textures and the savory coconut milk sauce makes for a completely unforgettable dining experience. I promise you, you will die - figuratively!

Click here to check out their menu.

Loko for Loukoumades!

2011-10-05T11:13:00.000-07:00

I love attending food festivals! Some of my faves are: Gilroy Garlic, Nihonmachi and Cherry Blossom Festival at Japantown, etc., so I was super excited to learn about the Greek Food Festival that occurs every September. San Franciscans have multiple options when it comes to ethnic cuisine, but looking forward to an annual open-air festival, where there's live music and dancing, is un-beatable.

I'm always on the look-out for something new, so when I saw these doughnut holes, drizzled in honey, and sprinkled with walnuts, I knew I found my true love. They're called loukomades or loukomathes. The old lady that served me told me that they were home-made and that she made them herself. They were yuuuuuuumy!

As you can see, these bite-sized, pillowy delicious morsels are to die for. If you're a fan of the Greek desserts, which are usually sweet and sticky, think baklava, then you'll love loukomathes! So make sure you mark your calendars for next year's event. Here's a tip, they usually have free passes you can print out from their official website. You can get more get more information about their mission and other events at http://www.annunciation.org/. Cheers!

Deep Love for Deep Fried

2011-09-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

I’ve never met a fried food I did not like. I always say that, because it’s true. I’ve had fried cheese (Nicaraguan), fried flowers (Italian), fried chicken livers (Soul), fried pork skin (Filipino), fried whatever – I’ll eat it! So, you can bet I’m a true connoisseur of the basic fried chicken. Yes, I’m familiar with the usual suspects and most people will vote for Popeye’s, but I choose an unlikely winner. I believe the best fried chicken in San Francisco can be had at Sam’s Diner.

You know how sometimes you'd order fried anything and it can taste like it's been sitting under a heat lamp for a while and therefore a little soggy. Or at times fried food can taste like the restaurant has been using and reusing the oil they've been frying with so it it has some weird burnt oil flavor to it. That won't be your experience at Sam's Diner. This chicken is uh-mazeballs!

On my last visit I tried another fried wonder, their Fishn'Chips. Ok, I wanted to love it, but I just fell in like with it. It's still worth a try. As you can see it's quite pretty to behold. I think they burnt my fries a little bit, though.

Looking at the pics, I know you’re salivating right now. Listen up Drooly McDrool, you need to run, not walk, to Sam’s on Market between 9^th and 8^th. You will not regret it. You can even order ahead of time if your lunch hour is tight. Here's their menu. Happy heart cloggin' eating!

Salsa con Ajo

2010-12-09T16:19:00.000-08:00

Well, it's lunch time again and I have a hankering for something delicious and cheap and yummy. My usual partners in crime, RLM and Sticky Fingers vote for a trip to Mission to get our grilled chicken and fried yuca fix. Yes, we're addicted. Just look at the picture below and you'll understand what I'm talking about. Grilled chicken with a slight crispiness on the skin, marinated in delicious spices matched with refried beans, rice and, of course, the show stopper - fried yuca. I mean, come on! Doesn't that look just absolutely lovely.

The place is very family-oriented and they'll always have a football (soccer to us North Americans) blasting on the flat-screen tv. I think they finally fixed their exhaust fans, because I didn't feel so smoked out the last time we ate there - so good for us who are paranoid about lingering food essence.

Make sure to ask for extra garlic sauce, the one that comes with the fried yuca. It's divine. You can dip your fried yuca in it or put drops of it on your chicken, heck, just pour the whole thing on your plate, then ask for more. "Podria darnos mas salso can ajo para la yuca?"

So, run like a gazelle to La Parilla on Folsom and 24th, you won't regret it. Unless you just hate good food. Actually, don't run like a gazelle, run like a leopard, yeah, that's a better simile. Let's go with that...oh, wait. Run like a stocking?

PYT: Pizza, Yummy and Thin

2010-10-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

I know there are tons of you who'd rather die than give up your thick-crust pizza. I myself am a die-hard lover of Divisadero's Little Star pizza, but that's a digression. Let's talk about being open to new culinary experiences, you thick-headed, thick-crust zealots.

LaFayette is about a thirty minute drive from San Francisco and it is a place that's half suburbia, a quarter little town, and one fourth cosmopolitan city.
There's a Chow restaurant that most SF dweller will recognize as a tried and true standby. They also have a Cold Stone creamery and a vintage-like candy store to satisfy the sweet tooth, however we were craving something savory with a mediterranean feel.

Driving through Mt. Diablo Boulevard, La Fayette's main thoroughfare, we stumbled upon Pizza Antica, and I have to say, this place made me reconsider my allegiance to the weightier kind.

First of all their Arnold Palmer, was the right balance of tartness and sweet...Um, Wait a minute...Am I the only brown-skinned human here?...

Anywho, back to the food. We had the Prince Edward (isn't that a piercing?...down there in your weewee?...)island mussels, spaghettini with roasted chicken, and of course, pizza. We ordered the one topped with three cheeses, caramelized onion, shaved broccoli, and pancetta. All I have to say is: YumYumYum. Below are some pictures for your enjoyment.

The mussels were ok, just needed a little more garlic or something...It lacked that certain umami that I get in other restaurants, or maybe I just wanted fries with it. The spaghettini, well the pasta was over-cooked. I prefer my pasta to bite back when I chew on it...oh, well. Thank God the pizza was stellar!

You see, what did I tell ya? Yummiliciousness in four slices.

Filipino Breakfast Sizzles

2010-09-23T16:33:00.000-07:00

All I know is that I want me some fried rice, preferably crowned with a fried egg. Is that too much to ask for? Ok, since I'm dreaming, why don't I throw in some sizzling, savory meat with a squirt (hehe, I said squirt) of calamansi. What?! No calamansi. I thought we were an international city?!?

Ok, I'll settle for lemon. I think it's time for a Tselogs run! That awesome place that skirts Daly city and SF just makes me greatful I was raised to recognize that beginning your day with garlic fried rice is the best way to kickstart a day. Although, I don't want to limit myself to just eating this in the AM, when I crave a "silog", whether it be during afternoons or night time, I just go for it. Luckily, the bay area is a hub for Filipino eatings.

At Tselogs, you must order the Chicken sisig-log. It's the best they have to offer. Check out the picture below, steam was not Photoshopped, mind you.

We also had their lumpiang shanghai (snore) and their tapsilog (sweeter than usual, teriyaki-esque). They were a'ight. OMfG, I'm so from the block. Let me try that again...a'ight. Shivers. Please don't hesitate to slap me when I try something like that again.

Walk, Eat, Pray, Love

2010-08-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

Phew, another exhausting jaunt through Fort Funston completed. We barely survived a Chow attack and it's dog walker's rampage, but mental illness runs amock among dog owners, no? See picture of Justice and Fantz, both lunatics and loving life.

Ending our bi-monthly walks through Fort Funston, where Justice and Porter enjoy walking their owners, Fanti and Chiqui (Ladies of the Night), we usually crave something salty, crispy, fatty after a Walk...hmmm, what to Eat...salty,crispy,fatty? Filipino! We almost always end up at Karilagan, tried and true, solid and reliable, but for a change we opted to try Intramuros last weekend. It was a pleasant surprise to see that Intramuros restaurant eschewed the perfunctory, over-sized wooden spoon and fork carvings as decor and decided to boldly embrace good design sense. A chic ambience, I have to admit, goes a long way to completing a memorable dining experience and I will remember this place and definitely come back to try the other offerings. Below, are pics of adobong kangkong and crispy tadyang. Drool worthy, right?

We are in agreement, three trannies can't possibly be wrong. Intramuros is a winner! Well, ok, the Callos needed a little undefinable something...umami? Spices? I can't be sure, but just go and try this place yourself, you won't regret it. No, you don't need to Pray that you'll be served good food, for you will. I promise you you'll Love it!

For more information about this cool and creative restaurant visit their website at http://theintramuros.com/. Toodles!

Behind the Red Door

2010-06-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

My friend and fellow-alien, Andromeda Strained, came to visit from planet Oregonia. We had brunch at a typically San Francisco breakfast/brunch place called Red Door Cafe. Why do I refer to it as "typically SF"? Well, let's see...

the food was surprisingly unlabel-able. Is it french? They serve crepes. Is it Japanese? They served our mochas in miso-soup bowls. Is it Mexi-Cuban? Um, they're menu offered "mexidilia" and "roll my cuban". See what I mean? It defies any label you want to stamp on it. The servers were inked like they were giving Bombshell McGee a run for her money (BTW, the best made-up name ever! Sorry, Sandra Bullock, but it's true. She knows how to coin a great monicker). One of the servers, I think he was the owner, sported a very tiny wife beaters, matched with an even skimpier pair of shorts. See? All in all, the place is very San Francisco.

We knew the food would be presented in an equally unexpected and unique manner, they didn't fail us. Andromeda's lox came with a scaffolding of chopsticks and green apple. My crepes came with beans, a drizzling of viniagrette, and a squirting of Sriracha. I was unsure which I adored more, the fact that I received a squirting or that the squirts were of Sriracha which embellished the top of my crepes (love that Asian import).
The food was: myeh, but I'll come back again to try the less adventurous fare. Sometimes you can take uniqueness and innovation a bit over the edge. Oh no, not you Bombshell McGee, you can never have enough swastika tattoos on your labia.

The Lure of Muir (Woods, that is)

2010-05-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

Another wonderfully sunny Saturday and I know exactly what I want to do. I'm going to Muir woods to look for a banana slug! Another excuse to cross that famous International Orange painted bridge. Listen up stupid Republicans, don't let me hear you say immigrants are useless and lazy. The Golden Gate bridge was mainly created by Chinese immigrants and BTW, Shishi Nee. So there. She's beautiful, right? I call her Ginger. Mane-ly (pun intended) because of her reddish, golden, tones and also, as a tribute to the asians who died while making her. They use ginger to liven up their cuisine. Ginger, you spark a light in me and liven up my life, you simply take my breath away.

Of course, a stop at Vista Point is a must for more photo ops. Check out the graffitied sign in the foreground of the San Francisco skyline (picture below, right). Nice. Thanks, taggers. Your art form is staggering. BTW,If you're reading this with a sarcastic tone, you're spot on.

It's only about thirty minutes more from the bridge to Muir woods. Make sure you come early as there's limited parking. Pay your $5.00 entrance fee and enjoy the phenomenal flora. I think the air just got a lot cleaner and fresher. There's nothing like the smell of thousand year old trees.

Make sure to make a stop at their cottage-like cafeteria for a cuppa joe and sightings of chipmunks. Don't feed the animal, please! That urge is a disease called chipmunkiosis and there is no cure for that. Feeding them is like giving them fish, instead of teaching them how to fish. Right, Gandhi? I'm calling the one pictured below Farrah. Farrah Cite.

You'll also see sculptures of John Muir (my idol) and a bear growling. Simply adorable, the bear's cute, too.

Still traipsing around the ancients and no banana slug. Well, at least I have a pic of the honorable Mr. Wood's wooden replica. Oh, where are you my lovely slug?

Just when I was about to give up...Voila. You know what? It looks like a piece of pickled, unripened mango. Burong manga. You know what I'm talking about, you Filipinos.

Laterz!

From cityviews to Cityview

2010-04-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

What to do? What to do? Another weekend and I'm feeling ambitious. Why not climb the the Filbert steps, check out Coit tower and its lovely murals, then eat some delicious dimsum? Too much? Naah, I can pack it all in in one morning. You'll see.

First, we climb those darned steps. I must, I must, I must uplift my buns! Yes, dears, climbing stairs is a good derrier booster. J Lo and Kim K taught me that.

Once we've reached higher altitudes (pant...pant...), the views were amazing, but the murals by Diego Rivera were even more fabulous. Did you know he used to have sex with Frida Kahlo? I can't do such a thing, not because Frida's not awesome, it's just that I'd be too distracted by the brows, and the moustache and the headress... Sorry, Frida. I'll have to decline.
Below, you'll see photos of the delicious views and some details of the Diego Rivera murals I just mentioned. One detail shows a robbery in action, I guess that was painted in the Tenderloin area, the other is a blonde woman cradling cala lillies, one of my favorite flowers.

After getting my fill of visual feasts, what better way to end a pretty walk through this amazing city than to satisfy that craving in your tummy for cute, bite-sized asian delicacies? Cityview restaurant offers fresh and yummy dimsum that is evidenced by the long line outside its doors. You can see by the pictures that they do a good job with presentation (thanks to my photographer, Boobsie). They not only look good, they taste good, too. Yes, a bit pricier than other dimsum places in Chinatown, but you get your money's worth.

Above, you see tofu and eggplant (a tad oily for my taste) and the classic pork shumai to its right. Below is a sea anemone-looking creation and to it's right, fried eggroll stuffed with shrimp meat, fried crab claws, chinese broccoli with oyster sauce, and crabmeat on top of green bell peppers. Jealous? I love San Francisco!

Clog - Unclog

2010-04-09T10:46:00.000-07:00

San Francisco is a walking town, despite its steep hills and varying micro-climates. I personally enjoy meandering around the different neighborhoods and seeing the different sights, smelling the different smells, and licking the different lickable items. We truly live in an amalgamation of different lifestyles and cultures and all of this is easily accessible to bipeds, so when I heard about the San Francisco Sunday Streets happening at the Embarcadero, I had just had to go.

I had a plan. First, eat heart-stopping, cholesterol laden food at Red's Java. It's supposedly an SF tradition. If Bourdain loved it, I should, too. Then un-clog the damage done to my arteries by power strolling through the closed street until I get to Pier 39 for more sinful delights, for there in that tourist trap is a destination onto itself: my favorite doughnut place, Trish's Doughnuts.

Well, the food at Red's Java was typical diner fare. Nothing too special, but the ambience was just pure, authentic, by the bay SF. Eating my huevos rancheros (see pic above) al fresco while fending off birds' advances to my food was simply too precious and charming. (Okay, the birds were slightly annoying and the sun's morning rays were getting into my eyes was just irritating and temporarily blinding, but what do you think you'll get from a blog about loving SF?) I'm coming back to try their Fish and Chips, though. I love fish and chips, and that's an order you just can't mess up.

On our brisk walk to Pier 39, working up a sweat to undo the heart clogging we just did, we witnessed a queue forming outside this concrete building. We stumbled in the TCHO plant where they were offering free chocolate samples. What?! Free and Chocolate? My fave combo, more than combo # 3 (apply to any restaurants that list their combo plates, you'll see that the third option is always best). The samples range from fruity, to nutty. I especially loved the fruity, because I am fruity, too. Although if you follow that logic, then I must equally love nutty. I'm confused...I wonder if they'll come up with a flavor that's as complex as I am. They'll call it The Complicated and Complex Conundrum that is Jonsey Balonsey. I'll have to ask for a cut on all the sales they make. No, I'm not a money grubbing whore, but we live in a capitalist society. I might as well get a piece of the pie. Hmmm, pie. I guess they can also sell banana-chocolate cream pie and for the chocolate part, they can use The Complicated and Complex Conundrum that is Jonsey Balonsey flavor. I'll ask for a percentage of the profits from that, too. Then I'll be rich and famous and more people will read my blog, but because I'm rich and famous, I won't have time to write this blog anymore, since I'll be too busy trying to come up with a new chocolate flavor that will top the sales of The Complicated and Complex Conundrum. Anywho, I digress. Below, you'll see the chart/paper plate they came up with to offer their measly samples.

We were moving on and powerstrolling when we finally made it to Pier 39 I was sooooo excited to finally have some Trish's doughnuts after months of abstinence that I almost peed my pants. It's time to re-clog the superior vena cava! I ordered my usual six-piece bag, it looked scrumptious, then took a bite...Um, what happened? This isn't how it usually tastes. It's usually soft, fresh, and billow in the inside. Today it's dry and overcooked. Boooooooo! Where's the consistency? I hate unrealized expectations. Trish, you better get your act together, or else... I still finished the bag, though.

The Wonderful World of Wondercon

2010-04-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

Is it any wonder why Wondercon has achieved a Must-Attend status? For the past few years we’ve religiously attended this annual Spring soiree designed and designated to the beleaguered and bespectacled, and to this day the wonders never cease to amaze.

Mostly we come to see the Hollywood elite fly north to peddle their latest wares. In previous years, we witnessed Brandon Routh promote the return of Superman (snore, he should’ve stayed wherever he was, although, I must say, Brandon's quite a chesty specimen, where is he?), we saw Chris Pine announce the come-back of Captain Kirk (Thank you, JJ Abrams, you have good taste in leading men..casting couch much?), and Christian Slater sell his moody, gravelly-voiced, depressed take on Batman (darkness fits him like dark eye shadow fits Kristen Stewart). This year was Jake Gyllenhall's turn to sell his biceps to the bespectacled masses, read: nerd herd, and we bought it (I don't know how to quit you, Jake!). I enjoyed the exclusive trailer they showed of "Prince of Persia", but I would've preferred to see the scenes from "Brokeback Mountain" that didn't make it to the movie screens. American's are just so prude. It took a Chinese director to showcase homo love, proving that alternative lives are Oscar worthy. Why aren't we more artsy? Arg!

Other reasons to come to Wondercon are the fun merchandise, from the unrepentively kawaii to the weirdly bizarre toys (see right picture above). Also, just people watching. I saw Deanna Troy, Lindsey Wagner, Erin Gray, female icons of mine from decades past, and lay people who enjoy dressing up as their favorite super hero, or Star Wars characters (see left picture above). So much fun. It's a time when freakazoids can let their freak flags flutter wildly in the blowing wind...and how they blow. The winds of change are a-blowin', my dear nerds. Soon the world will be ours and Victory, The Force, My Precious, Unobtainium, Kryptonite, and the matching Wonder Twins Rings will be ours. The whole, wide world will be bowing to our every whim! Bwahahahaha! Wait, hold on, is there food stuck on my braces? No? Ok,good. Bwahahahahahaha!

I'm so eggscited

2010-03-09T12:01:00.000-08:00

I've always loved eating eggs. Scrambled, sunnyside up, hard-boiled, egg-drop soup, egg foo yong, omelettes, eggs benedict, and even deviled. Love em all. So, it follows that adding a fried egg on top of one of my favorite dishes would just take me beyond nirvana. That's exactly what happens when I order my fave roast duck fried rice at King of Thai Noodle in downtown (they have another one at Clement, equally good). I love it when restaurants cooperate to make me happy. Adding an egg on top is not un-reasonable, right? They fry it Filipino-style, too - crispy edges and runny center. YUM! Check out how yummilicious that looks. It's enough to make you wanna kiss it's parents...Yeah, I said it. I'm so grateful that I'll kiss its mom, a hen, and its dad, a cock.

I recommend to start your meal with an appetizer and their best offering is their seafood salad. It's citrusy, not too heavy and a medley of textures and flavors that will make you come back for more. The most interesting element is the white mushroom which looks like a spongey sea creature. I guess that's why they thought it would work in a seafood salad. Check out Boobsie attempting a bite below.

Their noodles are awesome, too. However, the last time we ate there we had to wait fooooreeeveeer to get our rad na. Honestly, I was done eating my duck fried rice when the noodles came. Obviously, they forgot that order. Major points off for the bad service. You'd think they would've offered to comp our drinks at the very least, right? I guess being a popular restaurant can work against you. If you know you're the bomb, who cares if you tick off some customers? There's always a long line of hungry tourists and locals waiting to take over our seats.

Growle'!

2010-03-08T11:12:00.001-08:00

I've sworn off attending the annual Chinese New Year parade because the last time I attended it, which was a few years back, we had the misfortune of being pelted with unforgiving rain. Nothing ruins a parade like Mother Nature's michievous sense of humor. There we were, huddled with the hoi poloi, freezing like popsicles and watching plastic-draped dragons flailing and failing to excite the crowd. Big surprise - we're watching plastic-draped dragons while fending off hypothermia. Glum was our collective adjective.

This year was a different story. The weather cooperated fully and allowed for a fun time to be had by all. It's the year of the Tiger and we're all enjoined to growl! GROOWRRL! BTW, one of my favorite onomatopoetic outbursts.

Of course, something had to dampen my spirits despite the perfect weather. One of the mascots (thematically dressed as a tiger) was high fivin' through the crowd and when I raised my hand, he totally ignored me! He totally left me hanging. See the rude tiger's pic below.

Anywho, I'm trying not to be offended by non-high-fivin' Tiger. And my sour grapes reasoning is: High fives, who needs them? They're quite passe'. It's all about terrorist bumps nowadays. They're all the rage in Iraq, you know.

Also, it won't be an outing with Jonsey Balonsey without a healthy dose of embarrassment. We saw the KTVU Channel 2 float and Boobsie said, "Oh, we know him, he's Suzuki the newscaster!" I took his word for it so I shrieked at the guy on the float, "Suzuki! Suzuki!"

He gave me a semi-blank smile which was cryptic to me. Later on, I found out that his name wasn't Suzuki, but Sasaki. Embarrassing!

Attack of the Killer Orchids!

2010-02-27T23:10:00.000-08:00

As I walked around the San Francisco Orchid Society's 2010 Pacific Orchid Expo entitled Carnaval! (Yes, with a startling exclamation mark, please), I realized that I knew very little about these exotic fleurs. I had the notion that orchids were merely ornamental and pretty, but my original idea was very quickly obliterated as I saw the outstanding variety and diversity the expo had to offer.
As you can see in these pictures, orchids come in a different sizes, colors and shapes. Boobsie even bought one called "Pagan Love Song"...hmmm very exotic.

There were even really scary ones that were aptly named Draculas! No pictures of draculas made it to this post, though. I did not want to give you nightmares. However, please enjoy these pictures I took of the orchids I thought stood out the most and if you're so inclined, you should mark your calendars for next years show. I know I will, for scary as some of them may appear, most of them were just extraordinarily beautiful. I'll need my orchid fix next year, for sure.

Unphotogenic Delights at Tartine

2010-02-12T11:09:00.000-08:00

"What? You've never had weekend breakfast at Tartine? Oh, gosh you should go and have their breadpudding or their morningbuns. To die for!".

I've been hearing this forever and God knows, I've thought about it and planned it, but somehow it never panned out. Something about waking up early on weekends just totally messes up my inner wirings. Last weekend I finally bit the bullet and made a commitment to initiate myself to this San Francisco tradition on Saturday. Of course, it had to be the morning when it's raining and the whole city just felt like it was drenched and gloomy. I picked up my friend, Boobsie, and together we ventured off. On the drive to Dolores Park, with the sound of the windshield wipers as a background to Boobsies raves about the delicious Tartine offerings, my mouth was salivating.
Boobsie: "Oh, yes! The bread pudding is soooo goood, but they're over-rated."
Leave it to him to always come up with contradictory statements. I wanted to point out this contradiction, but I digressed. I haven't had my coffee and I didn't want our conversation to turn into a full blown argument. So, I bit my forked tongue.

We finally arrived, and of course Tartine is not only famous for their pastries, but also infamous for their long lines. As luck would have it, the queue was quite long and included an additional negative. Behind us was a very loud, obnoxious cel phone user who deemed it appropriate to shout all of his phone blabbing into our sensitive, un-caffeneited ears. Rude. I think I would have felt differently about this guy if I understood the language he spoke which was italian. It's one thing to shout on your cel phone in public, it's another to deprive your unwitting audience of the ability to determine the reason behind all the screaming. We need to understand at least your end of the conversation to know this. (Although, in your case it seemed pretty unilateral, since you never stopped your yapping)

This was not an auspicious start, the rain, the mixed review, the loud un-eavesdroppable talker...We eventually got our food: prosciutto, cheese and arugula pressed sandwiches (reminds me of Roma), bread pudding and banana cream tarte. All were ultra-yummy and delicious and satisfying and worthy of all the respect and kudos it's been given by SF local foodies.

We ate on a nearby bench and while we were eating and reveling in our delights, I suddenly remembered to take pictures. (Sorry, they didn't turn out well, as you can see. Believe me, the food tasted better than it looks in the photos). As I was taking my last bites of the bread pudding I looked up and I realized that the sun was shining brightly, and that it's been that way for awhile. The city was warm, dry and families were walking pass us with wide smiles on their faces. What brought on this fantastic change? Did Tartine's pressed sandwich and the bread pudding bring with it not only gastronomic satisfaction, but also a magic that can turn gloom into unicorns, puppies and rainbows?

No. Sorry to burst your bubble. I've always believed that climatic changes occur when people bite their tongues and keep their negativity inside. It makes for a better day. However, some studies say that suppressed emotions can cause inordinate weight gain. Oh, well.

Hmmm, how your powers have grown.

2010-01-13T15:40:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well. If it isn't my old nemesis KitKat. You who had forced me to eat you despite my guttural pleas of resistance, knowing fully well that a moment of you through my lips means a lifetime in my hips! Arg, if only my hips could lie, but much like Shakira's, they can't. The story they tell is one where you have conquered me with your full might and crushed my self control resulting to one undeniable confession: I'm chubby.

I have told my self time and time again, "No sweets, no sweets". A mantra that failed whenever I heard that infectious jingle of yours. It haunts me even today.
...Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kitkat bar...
Like a siren's song that entices lost seamen, you beckoned and I yielded. But that was years ago and a lot has changed since then. Today I am stronger and fitter. I've resisted sweets and diligently clocked perspire-y hours at the gym that I can now proudly claim: I'm slightly less chubby.

But I see you've returned and more formidable than ever. Your accomplice, Raunchy Richelle, smuggled you in from Japan where you completely redesigned your fighting style. You have modified your offensive technique from Chocolate chop attacks to Green Tea Grabs and Ginger Ale Jump-kicks. I must say, I'm impressed, but you're still no match to my signature moves: the Jonsey Balonsey Jabs. Yes, those are interesting new flavours, but I'm not the old, weak-willed Jonsey Bal...Oh, what's that you say? You managed to maintain your crispy, delicious goodness at your core? The green tea and ginger ale flavors are so spot-on I'd think that my taste buddies were pulling a prank on me? Oh, well, maybe ...well, a tiny bite won't hur...just a bite...Crunch...Oh, curses, you flavorful fiend. You win again!

From Tofu Soup to Photoshoot

2010-01-12T11:49:00.001-08:00

Grumble, grumble, grumble. My tummy's hungry and I need some deliciousness inside me and I don't want to go the same ole, same ole route. I feel the need for a new discovery, a place I've never been to. Luckily, Raunchy Richelle knew exactly where to go. Doobu restaurant at Japantown Adjacent is great! I must say that they rival the tofu soup at My Tofu House - wait a minute, I don't know any other place that serves Korean tofu soup...oh well. To date, I'm not sure which is better, though. My tastebuds haven't made a decision. Both restaurants have the same selection of banchan, the usual suspects of kimchi, bean sprouts, etc. with a small fried fish for each diner, which was awesome. I ordered the beef and assorted seafood tofu soup and it was great. The seafood was fresh, especially the oysters, but peeling the shrimp was laborious. Sticky Fingers Ann ordered the seafood soup and Rauchy Richelle had the assorted mushrooms. We were all happy campers, except they only had one server during their very hectic lunch hour. Not sure if it was poor staffing or if someone called in sick, but that crowd needed more than one server, for sure.

As usual, pictures were taken of the food for blogging purposes and it invariably spiraled into an impromptu photoshoot. What is it about new cameras and friends and good food that puts people into a posing mood? Is this how Kate Moss started? Doubt it, it would mean that she actually eats...maybe she just takes a sniff here and a sniff there and then she's ready for her close up!

PS - Note how Sticky Fingers didn't seem to bother to take a picture of me and Raunchy Richelle....Hmmm, someone's a camera hog.

A Cat Even Loyal Dog Lovers Can Love

2009-12-24T13:36:00.001-08:00

In our quest for a theme for our Christmas 2009 gift exchange we ended up deciding on "Cutesy Patootsy". First because, we all embrace the little girl inside of us and secondly, the budget was $10.00 (in keeping with America's current economic crisis - BTW: Barack, please get us out of Iraq). Of course this theme is subject to varied interpretations and it was meant to be that way. Considering the theme and the budget constraint, one might expect to open a present and see tiny, adorable knick-knacks (cutesy), or probably miniature candies (patootsy), or a framed picture of Taylor Lautner or Nick Jonas(either one of them definitely cutesy patootsy), but that's not what happened.

Now, you've heard of women who work together getting their menstrual cycle synch together, well I guess what happened to us was kinda like that. We all psychic-ly linked and decided that "Cutesy Patootsy" meant only one thing - that classic kawaii icon - Hello Kitty! Now, I really wasn't so surprised because ever since I can remember Sticky Fingers Ann has been robbing my desk of my Hello Kitty pencils. The entire booty comprised of brilliant things such as: mechanical pencils, light up stamps, personalized cards and notebooks, the whole gamut, all emblazoned with Hello Kitty's copyrighted image. We were all transported to when we were giggling little girls with pigtails and frilly dresses...well, ok my memory was invented, but still. Happiness and contentment defined us.

The gifts were great, but I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that no one purchased the fake Sanrio stuff. My friends told me that in certain regions fakers abound and they produce not-quite-right Sanrio knock offs. I don't think I could fake a smile if I ended up opening a present with a cute image of a cat whose name is "Hello Katty". Meeeouch!

Why so crabby?

2009-12-18T16:35:00.000-08:00

When my friends said we're eating at Roy's, a hawaiian restaurant chain, I had very low expectations. Having visited Hawaii a few times, I know that anything attempting to be Hawaiian-esque in our cold, foggy city will surely fail. Which is why Roy's was smart in tagging itself as "hawaiian fusion", because grasping for 50th state authenticity is not something you can really achieve.
The evening started inauspiciously, as our table was right underneath a busted light bulb. Great. We needed flashlights to see what they had to offer in their menus. One of my amigas had to stand up and walk closer to the bar where there was better lighting. Not sure if because it was really that dark and the flashlights weren't cutting it, or because she just recently had her blepharoplasty done on her eyes and she was still healing.
Anywho, darkness aside, the food was great and the service highly competent. Make sure to order the crabcake with macadamia nut (pictured here), and finish with the chocolate molten mousse (order early on as it takes the kitchen awhile to prepare this dessert). Please see my complete review at my website. Aloha!

Appeteasers are Crowd Pleasers

2009-12-08T00:02:00.001-08:00

Boulevard is to be experienced. From the beautiful Belle Epoque setting designed by Pat Kuleto, to the delicious French-influenced cuisine by Nancy Oakes, the entire time you spend there is absolutely arresting - until you drink the iced tea.
It's a glass of snore.

Anywhooz, enough with the dissing. I still enjoyed this restaurant, despite it's iced tea short coming. The main entree highlights were the rack o'lamb and the pork chop. They were competently created and very good to my tummy, however the starters were beyond the beyond! The two highlights were: soft boiled egg and foie gras. The crispy farm egg, pancetta, with semolina fonduta was amazing. The creativity behind the end product just startled my tastebuds. It gave me a glimpse of what the chef envisioned; she wanted the diner to have that perfect bite - a piece of pancetta, with softboiled egg and porcini mushroom. Honestly, it was lovely. She knew that that perfect bite would be transcendent.

The other appetizer that was equally satisfying was the seared Sonoma foie gras, with pumpkin brioche, spiced butternut squash, candied pecans and cranberry crackle. The rich flavor of the foie gras was the perfect complement to the sweetness of the cranberry crackle and the candied pecans. It's a must have! Although, I must admit that the foie gras got a little too rich and the brioche wasn't neutralizing that immense richness enough, well that's what the free bread is for!

Check out my complete review of Boulevard at http://www.jonseybalonsey.com/.

Combination Soup

2009-11-17T21:55:00.000-08:00

Intra-asian fusion in a single bowl = Mabo soup, and you can't have a better serving of this hot, steamy goodness than at Suzu Noodle House. If you've never tried a mabo soup, you're in for a surprise! It's spicy and rich, with a Chinese flair, but still distinctly Japanese.The noodles are perfectly chewy and the broth is appropriately seasoned (although my lunch buddy, Letty, thinks it's a tad salty). I know that locals will argue that Katanaya's soup is superior and maybe they're right, but if you consider how small Katanaya's space is and how un-smiley the service is there, then I think you'll agree that Suzu Noodle House is better.

The stars of this show are really the soup bowls, so stick with ordering them. Please don't order the the shu mai as it almost seems like they're the frozen kind from Costco, however an order of the chicken karaage on the side would be a great complement to the soups, I mean really, Japanese chicken nuggets? You can't go wrong. One of these days I'll go to Suzu and do my best not to order my fave, mabo soup, and try the Karaage soup. I'm sure it's equally yummilicious!

Youth, Where Art Thou, Youth? How I miss you.

2009-11-16T17:30:00.000-08:00

It's true, none of us are immune to the effects of aging (Booo to Aging!), therefore we must fight with all our powers to counteract all elements that age us: oxidants, the sun, stress. However, if we've been hit, we need to retaliate with a vengeance. This is what my hermaphrodite friend, Herminia HeSheBe, has done. He/she has noticed a general thining in his/her hair, so she decided to fight back by getting hair implants. This is her tale:

"The procedure starts with the doctor drawing on your face and shows you the area he'll be filling in. Then you ingest a steroid to counter any inflammation. Then they shave the donor area and inject it multiple times with anesthesia. When you are numb, the doctor cuts the donor area and then stitches it up. The stitch is 5 inches long. All this time I was watching a movie, "Death Becomes Her" , appropriate, right? The assistants start separating the follicles for implantation and the doctor marks the areas for implantation. I almost fell asleep while they were puncturing holes on my head, that's how relaxed I was at that point. Then the assistants start placing the hair grafts in the holes, took awhile, but no pain at all. After the implantation was completed, they gave me some topical stuff to apply but went out of the operating room relaxed and coherent - no bandages. No muss no fuss and voila! Beauty reclaimed!"

"Later,when I got home, I took the Darvocet they gave me and it made me vomit so much it reminded me of when I was a young and careless cheerleader, 40 years ago."

Above, you'll see Herminia's After Picture a day post alien impregnation, er... , hair transplantation.

I fully support Herminia's decision to valiantly grasp - with gnarled, age-spot riddled hands - his/her last vestiges of youth, vitality and moisture. If you have the spare change, why not? As Isabella Rosellini's character, Lisle Von Rhoman, proclaimed with relish: "Sempre Viva! Live Forever! [pregnant pause] And now, a word of warning."

Crispity, Crunchity Goodness at PPQ

2009-11-16T16:52:00.000-08:00

Are you a sane person? Do your tastebuds function the way they should? Then I guarantee that you'll enjoy the peppercorn chicken wings at PPQ. For a measely $12.95 you will get these delicious chicken wings, they'll sprinkle it with crushed peppercorn and garlic chips and spices. Oh, soo very good for your soul. The crunch, the heat, the aroma...I can't say enough about this dish!

However, I think there are two mistakes about its presence in the menu :
1. It should not be called pepper corn chicken wings. The appropriate name is "garlic chips and peppercorn chicken wings". The abundance of the garlique sprinkled all over the plate is enough to kill all who belong to Team Edward, which is fine by me as I belong to Team Jacob.
2. This dish should not be categorized as an appetizer. It's sooo satisfying and they don't skimp on the portions, so it should be in the Entrees Section of their menu. Deelish!

I know, I know - some of you are already thinking that there are other, more noteworthy chicken wing dishes in San Francisco, (specifically San Tung's wet chicken wings - drool!) but as far as dry fried, garlicky chicken wings are concerned, I must stand my ground and say: PPQ, you rock my world! Die, vampires, die! BTW, I think PPQ stands for Pleasantly Pleasing the Queens. Another reason why I love this place. TTFN! (Ta Ta For Now)

Idina Who?

2009-11-12T13:15:00.000-08:00

Well, it's finally happened. Hell has frozen over. I never, ever imagined that a male character in a primetime TV show would be given a chance to belt out a seminal piece of music such as "Defying Masculinity", I mean, "Defying Gravity", but that's exactly what happened at last night's episode of Glee, and I had to pinch myself a few times to realize it was true. It's official, gays are mainstream now, you all need to get used to it. After you've gotten used to it, you can take the obvious next step, adore the gays.

Yo, I'm not saying you need to start loving broadway musicals and start subscribing to Inches, but for reals, yo. It's time to evolve and society today dictates that gay bashing is passe', and gay embracing is au courant.

I'm not saying be like Kathy G., or Lady G., just be Yoself, G. Truedat.

Note: I can't believe I just typed "Truedat", but I think it kinda worked for this blog's content. PeaceOut! Ooops, I did it again.

To Do: Now that hell is frozen, it's time to get some pigs flying - the mission is to make Trannies the next accepted social group. So what if they are perceived as anomalies of nature? That's how homosexuals have been deemed since written history. Having the phrase, "Tranny Hot Mess" skyrocket to American familiarity is the first baby step, thanks to Project Runway alum Christian Siriano. It's time to trust your instincts, close your eyes and take a big leap - how about a pre-op tranny for president?

Pampered - then Pestered at Pampas

2009-11-09T22:47:00.000-08:00

I was almost done with my peaceful, and very fulfilling lunch at Pampas, a Brazilian steakhouse in Las Vegas, when a creature from some lagoon sat in front of me and started eating the juicy meats on the table. I was frightened and did not want to disturb this monster's feast, but I wanted the pork slices for myself, so I asked it to kindly leave. The monster did not heed my request, instead it continued to eat, and eat, and eat. The creature grabbed little, wooden red and green doohickey that tells the servers your table wants more meat (green side up = go!), or to stop offering us meats (red side up = stop, I'm full...of beauty!) and turned it to indicate our table wants more meaty scrumptiousness. I was appalled and very much frightened for my life, but it occurred to me that if I just let the weirdo simply have its fill, then I can leave peacefully - and that's what I did, and I survived. Phew!

Tip #1: You may not mind so much that a monster ate most of your food if you got a coupon from Tix4Tonight. Not only do they offer same day show tickets for shows, they also sell coupons that give you discounted rates for some really great buffets and restaurants, including Pampas.

Tip #2: Lunch at Pampas is great and well worth it (bring the coupon), but they only serve five kinds of meats at this time. Dinner there is a bit more expensive, but they serve twelve different kinds of meats!

Krispy Kreme Cravings

2009-11-09T11:17:00.000-08:00

You know it's been a while since you've treated yourself right when you find yourself en route to Target Colma and all of a sudden this desire for something so delicious and ultimately satiating beckons. Detour! I see neon lights blinking...nope, unfortunately it's merely a mirage. No classic glazed doughnuts are being made. But, wait (literally). If we wait long enough they're bound to make fresh, warm doughnuts sometime soon. Tick tock, tick tock. Anytime now. We were patient. We stood behind the glass wall set up for pefect viewing of the Krispy Kreme doughnut making process. The doughnut chef, an asian guy who seemed to delight in torturing us by taking his time to make a fresh batch, was a little annoyed that we had our faces plastered against the see-through glass, drool sliding down ever so slowly. Tick tock, tick tock. This is taking too long.

To hold us over we decide to get some drinks, the Mocha was way tooooooo sweet. Avoid it.

We asked for cups to get water from the drinking fountain, just to wash down that syrupy sweet after-taste left by the Mocha drink. Ironic that we can't wait to have our mouths filled by an equally saccharin, be-holed, fried morsel. Tick tock, tick tock. How much longer.Tick tock.

Finally, I see it...plop, plop. Doughnuts were being plopped into the hot oil/conveyor belt. It's begun. Mini Krullers were cooking! The perfectly portioned pieces dropped from the doohickey into the hot oil, flipped over by the oil-soaked conveyor machine, doused by winter-white glaze ...nothing in this planet can be more mesmerizing...and Voila! Time to eat.

Jonsey Balonsey Avatar: "Hi, Can I get a half-dozen of the freshly made doughnuts?"

Krispy Kreme Staff: "Sure."

Jonsey Balonsey Avatar: "Since we waited so long for freshly made ones, can we get some free samples?" (Smiling)

Krispy Kreme Staff: "Ummm...." (Silence - Looks down as if something really interesting is happening on the floor) "Here's your change. Have a good day." (Avoiding further eye contact, lest I ask for her first born)

Underwater Modeling 101

2009-11-05T22:21:00.000-08:00

Being a well-rounded human being means being able to model underwater. It's the mark of a true artiste. On my recently concluded trip to Las Vegas I was able to practice my modelling skills at the Beach of Mandalay Bay hotel. The trick is to hold your breath while doing avante garde, contorty poses. This challenge is made even more difficult because the hotel's famous swimming pool generates waves like the oceans do. Super fun!
Tip: You will see a blue line on the pool's floor, make sure you hang around the deep side of the line or you'll get mean stares/whistles form the lifeguards!

Yazed accompanied me for this shoot and she did some "smizing" as well. She's not as modelesque as I am, but she's still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Modelle. Tyra will be proud of her, she just may be the right kind of contestant for that famous reality show. Well, Tyra's done shorties, why not sea creatures, right?

Things to remember when modeling underwater:

1) Never wear chum necklaces when there are sharks around. They're predatory, you know.
2) Do not do a photoshoot in Waikiki seven to twelve days after the full moon. Box jellyfishies will get ya! For reals, ya'll.
3) Always leave electronics on terra firma. Your iPhone, as multi-talented as it is, does not have an app that turns it into fish.
4) Don't go in the water immediately after eating. Your mommie dearest was right.
5) When farting, make sure you splash around and generate lots of bubbles with your flailing limbs. This way your fart bubbles are camouflaged by your "distraction" bubbles.

Of course our photoshoot was inspired by Drew's fabulous underwater shoot with Elle. Her ethereal pics were so fashion-forward and dream-like that I forgot she's not a professional modelle, instead an accomplished actress who completely eliminated her Valley Girl accent for the "Grey Gardens" movie...what?!? Jessica Lange won the Emmy? Drew, dear, you were robbed. Not only did you get rid of your valley girl accent, you nailed everything about "Little Edie".

Photo Credit: http://www.elle.com/

Of Parched, Polka-Dotted Panoramas and Probes

2009-11-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

I just came back from Las Vegas and I had a blast! I usually resist visiting this dry, hot place, but the call of the non-travelling Cirque Du Soleil shows was persistent and ultimately irresistible. On my flight to the desert of despicable desires, I peered out my porthole and saw just how beautiful and unique their landscape really is. Unfortunately, it's a view that lasts for only a few moments as our Virgin America plane zoomed pass these beautiful red cliffs. These photos were taken with my phone. Mother Nature, you're palette is surprising and unexpectedly grandiose.

On my flight back, I was anticipating seeing the same landscape spectacle. Alas, I ended up at the wrong side of the plane and instead of seeing the red cliffs that I witnessed earlier, I saw ...dundundun (50's horror soundtrack)...alien abduction sites! These polka-dotted location is a place where the aliens abduct all the people who gambled and lost their rent/food money along with their will to live, so desperation led them to the Extra Terrestial's call to submit to lurid experiments, i.e. anal probing!

Moral: Do not gamble all of your money away, unless you want to end up in an eerie, polka-dotted land where you play the role of a guinea pig for these lascivious aliens waiting in the outskirts of Vegas.
Note: Not all aliens are anal probers, some are probees (aka bottoms)...just so you know. Don't want to propagate any sort of stereotype. Aliens are human, too.

You Ain't Ready for This Jelly!

2009-10-29T14:22:00.001-07:00

There are too many sea creatures that I'm enamored with: The irascible seals, those playful dolphins, the lazy sloth, the slithery serpent, etc. But I think one of the more beautiful sigths to behold is the floaty, ethereal, and mysterious Jelly Fish. I just find them so beautiful. But, you better watch out! That beauty is fake. Like a passable tranny in dim light, you'll be lulled into submission and get stung! You ain't ready for that jelly! The threadlike tentacles around the edge of the bell can sting - Ok, I'm just fear-mongering. Their "stings" are not powerful enough to pierce human skin. But the part about a passable tranny is true. Most M to Fs I know carry daggers, or swiss army knives, or a mini-screwdriver...I'm just saying.

Check out my fuzzy video below of these beautiful creatures at the Aquarium of the Bay at Pier 39. They showcase Moon Jellyfish and the Brown Nettles, what I'm displaying is the former. The scientific name for this creature is Aurelia Aurita (cool, no? Like an old school drag queen). If I had a moon jelly fish pet I'll name her Aurelia Aurita too, but if it's a male, I'll call him Paco. Like other jellies, it primarily drifts with the current, even when swimming. They usually feed on crustaceans, mollusks, protozoas, and medusae.

FYI:Very tricky to find the entrace of the Aquarium of the Bay, you even need to go through some shops, but if you follow the signs you won't get lost.

Roe, Roe, Roe That Boat!

2009-10-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

Food, glorious food. What is it about you that makes humans just go Lady Gaga over you? You're not merely a source of energy, but a reliable way to bring a smile to our overstuffed faces. Today, my posse and I went to Japantown for a much-deserved lunch break. Where else can you find bite-sized morsels of goodness floating around in front of you but in this flourescent lit structure of contrived Japanese-ness called Japantown. I doubt that Japan looks anything like this place, but I'm willing to go along for the ride.

I, of course, am referring to Isobune. They treat you right here. Warm, moist towels to start, all the sushi that your wallet allows you to eat, and - Gasp! They validate parking (they're one of the few establishments in J-Town that do). To those un-initiated, you simply sit down, watch the sushi boats float by and grab the ones you'd like to introduce to your digestive track, and your bill will be calculated by the stacks of plates you've accumulated (they're color coded).

My new favorite is the Uni sushi. Why? Cause it's indescribable and simply tastes delicious. There's also the special, called Happiness Sachi, which is a combo of uni, bbq eel, and crab salad. Yummmeee.

So, there you go. Don't miss out on this culinary experience. Seeing your food float by in front of you is not only fun, but also a testament to the fleeting nature of the culinary experience!

Sunset Musings at Ocean Beach

2009-10-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

A while back, my bosom buddy, Chiqui Channing and I went on a leisurely stroll on Ocean Beach. We first had dinner at the Beach Chalet (hmm, so-so, not memorable at all) then went on a nice walk. Ocean Beach is a mere 15 minute drive from my hood (NOPA, formerly known as Western Addition) and it amazes me how we can just get stuck in our own immediate vicinity when there are so many amazing things to do around the city. Is it laziness? Are we superglued to our couches? Do we even realize how many people would love to just get up and take a brief ride to see a beautiful, bonafide Pacific Ocean sunset?

Well, Chiqui was eager to display her new, "authentic" designer shades, so she asked me to take this picture with my phone. After our impromptu photoshoot we scanned the sights and realized that this beach could use some warming up. Cold weather means bundled up bodies - boring. Shirtlessness is what it's all about!

Looking at the picture I'm realizing how much magnetite Ocean beach sand has. Did you know that during the last ice age the Sacramento river dumped large amounts of sand on the Pacific shoreline, about 20 miles west of where it is now? These sands were carried by the wind and covered the SF Peninsula creating a sand dune province. After the ice age, the sea level rose and covered these sands, they are now offshore sand bars that are pushed to the beach during the summer months. I studied all this and it was sooo not asked in my midterm Oceanography exam. Que lastima!

Thanks, Oceanography class!

Free Admission? No Thanks.

2009-10-26T15:37:00.000-07:00

Recently visited the California Academy of Sciences on one of those free days. Well, we got what we paid for. Long lines, snarky crowds, and noisy kids. What is it about humans that make them go crazy when there are free samples, or a gift with purchase, or free oxygen. It's like they can't survive without it. It wasn't all a bust. Luckily, we got to see the albino crocodile (it got hospitalized shortly after), and the giant sea bass, and handled some pretty cool sea urchin. BTW, sea urchin is so yummy in sushi form. Check out picture below. No, of course you don't eat the spikey things, it's what's inside that counts - or so claims all unattractive beings, but in the case of sea urchins, it's true.

So, if I learned anything that day, it's that Free isn't always what it's cracked up to be. I'd rather pay the $5.00 entrance fee...what's that? It's $24.95 for young looking adults like me?...Ummm, on second thought...

Anywho, check out that giant fish. Is it just me or does the sight of that giant fish make you hungry for some fish and chips? Bangusilog? Mc Donald's Filet-O-Fish? Boullabaise? Ariel's bottom half? Oh, the culinary possibilities!

Trannies Are Everywhere in San Francisco

2009-10-23T14:08:00.000-07:00

I've asked myself more than a few times, "What is it about San Francisco that seems to promote the abundance of transgenders?" Perhaps it's because we all seem to come from such different places and this difference in backgrounds make us accepting, not wary, of the new and unfamiliar. The other evening I was walking down TL and stumbled upon a group of asian trannies. They seemed to be having a grand time just traipsing around in their skimpy attires.

I asked one of the fierce chicks, why they thought the trannies abound in this city. Her reply: "It's because of the demand. This city demands new and unusual things. Right now, we're relatively new and unusual so we're in demand. Tomorrow, San Franciscans will want something even more unusual. So, perhaps in a decade or so they'll want to be with a half human - half android partner." I thought about this and I realized how "normal" I was.

I asked if I could take her picture, she agreed. It took us 10 minutes to find the an acceptable background. We both liked the fence. Her name is Fantastica a la Mode. Fierce, right? She's a natural in front of the camera. I wished her a fruitful hunting, she stated that she did not need luck for San Francisco is the place of "Chasers", e.g. Tranny Chasers, Chubby Chasers, etc. Pretty much everyone has a market here.

As we parted ways, I contemplated whether aliens will really be the next "in" thing. One can only dream.