Youth, Where Art Thou, Youth? How I miss you.

It's true, none of us are immune to the effects of aging (Booo to Aging!), therefore we must fight with all our powers to counteract all elements that age us: oxidants, the sun, stress. However, if we've been hit, we need to retaliate with a vengeance. This is what my hermaphrodite friend, Herminia HeSheBe, has done. He/she has noticed a general thining in his/her hair, so she decided to fight back by getting hair implants. This is her tale:

"The procedure starts with the doctor drawing on your face and shows you the area he'll be filling in. Then you ingest a steroid to counter any inflammation. Then they shave the donor area and inject it multiple times with anesthesia. When you are numb, the doctor cuts the donor area and then stitches it up. The stitch is 5 inches long. All this time I was watching a movie, "Death Becomes Her" , appropriate, right? The assistants start separating the follicles for implantation and the doctor marks the areas for implantation. I almost fell asleep while they were puncturing holes on my head, that's how relaxed I was at that point. Then the assistants start placing the hair grafts in the holes, took awhile, but no pain at all. After the implantation was completed, they gave me some topical stuff to apply but went out of the operating room relaxed and coherent - no bandages. No muss no fuss and voila! Beauty reclaimed!"

"Later,when I got home, I took the Darvocet they gave me and it made me vomit so much it reminded me of when I was a young and careless cheerleader, 40 years ago."

Above, you'll see Herminia's After Picture a day post alien impregnation, er... , hair transplantation.

I fully support Herminia's decision to valiantly grasp - with gnarled, age-spot riddled hands - his/her last vestiges of youth, vitality and moisture. If you have the spare change, why not? As Isabella Rosellini's character, Lisle Von Rhoman, proclaimed with relish: "Sempre Viva! Live Forever! [pregnant pause] And now, a word of warning."

Idina Who?

Well, it's finally happened. Hell has frozen over. I never, ever imagined that a male character in a primetime TV show would be given a chance to belt out a seminal piece of music such as "Defying Masculinity", I mean, "Defying Gravity", but that's exactly what happened at last night's episode of Glee, and I had to pinch myself a few times to realize it was true. It's official, gays are mainstream now, you all need to get used to it. After you've gotten used to it, you can take the obvious next step, adore the gays.

Yo, I'm not saying you need to start loving broadway musicals and start subscribing to Inches, but for reals, yo. It's time to evolve and society today dictates that gay bashing is passe', and gay embracing is au courant.

I'm not saying be like Kathy G., or Lady G., just be Yoself, G. Truedat.

Note: I can't believe I just typed "Truedat", but I think it kinda worked for this blog's content. PeaceOut! Ooops, I did it again.

To Do: Now that hell is frozen, it's time to get some pigs flying - the mission is to make Trannies the next accepted social group. So what if they are perceived as anomalies of nature? That's how homosexuals have been deemed since written history. Having the phrase, "Tranny Hot Mess" skyrocket to American familiarity is the first baby step, thanks to Project Runway alum Christian Siriano. It's time to trust your instincts, close your eyes and take a big leap - how about a pre-op tranny for president?