Underwater Modeling 101

Being a well-rounded human being means being able to model underwater. It's the mark of a true artiste. On my recently concluded trip to Las Vegas I was able to practice my modelling skills at the Beach of Mandalay Bay hotel. The trick is to hold your breath while doing avante garde, contorty poses. This challenge is made even more difficult because the hotel's famous swimming pool generates waves like the oceans do. Super fun!
Tip: You will see a blue line on the pool's floor, make sure you hang around the deep side of the line or you'll get mean stares/whistles form the lifeguards!

Yazed accompanied me for this shoot and she did some "smizing" as well. She's not as modelesque as I am, but she's still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Modelle. Tyra will be proud of her, she just may be the right kind of contestant for that famous reality show. Well, Tyra's done shorties, why not sea creatures, right?


Things to remember when modeling underwater:

1) Never wear chum necklaces when there are sharks around. They're predatory, you know.
2) Do not do a photoshoot in Waikiki seven to twelve days after the full moon. Box jellyfishies will get ya! For reals, ya'll.
3) Always leave electronics on terra firma. Your iPhone, as multi-talented as it is, does not have an app that turns it into fish.
4) Don't go in the water immediately after eating. Your mommie dearest was right.
5) When farting, make sure you splash around and generate lots of bubbles with your flailing limbs. This way your fart bubbles are camouflaged by your "distraction" bubbles.

Of course our photoshoot was inspired by Drew's fabulous underwater shoot with Elle. Her ethereal pics were so fashion-forward and dream-like that I forgot she's not a professional modelle, instead an accomplished actress who completely eliminated her Valley Girl accent for the "Grey Gardens" movie...what?!? Jessica Lange won the Emmy? Drew, dear, you were robbed. Not only did you get rid of your valley girl accent, you nailed everything about "Little Edie".

Photo Credit: http://www.elle.com/